Why I’ll Never Relax My Daughter’s Natural Hair

Why I’ll Never Relax My Daughter’s Natural Hair
07 Mar 2016

Hair is a touchy subject in our community. “Touchy” is probably an understatement. But it’s a subject that never seems to run out of steam. I, for one, am ecstatic to see the explosion

of the natural hair movement. And trust, it’s a movement—not a trend. I recently found out that the sale of relaxers has actually dropped by 26% in the past five years.

I started my locs 12 years ago. It was during my divorce, and, in some ways, my choosing to start my locs was a symbol of independence and coming into my own. Something began to happen to me once I committed to my locs. I actually became more sure of who I was and stopped worrying as much about what people thought. My skin became more comfortable to be in—especially once I was no longer scorching my scalp with the “creamy crack” just to straighten what society said was too “nappy.” The beauty of my tightly coiled hair made it ideal for loc’ing and I haven’t looked back since.

When I had my daughter, I made a very conscious decision to raise her with the kind of self confidence and self love it had taken me years to cultivate as an adult. That meant teaching her how beautiful she was just as she was: mocha skin, gap-tooth smile, coiled hair and all. Even though it wasn’t always easy caring for and styling her natural hair (afro puffs became my hairstyle of least resistance), it was worth the extra effort and tears to get her to appreciate just how God made her.

I’ve always told her how beautiful her natural hair is, and she now tells me how awesome she is. I waited until she was old enough (eight) to make her own decision about whether or not she wanted to loc her hair. Eventually, after seeing how low-maintenance, painless, and long my own locs were, she decided to commit.

For the past four years, our “hair wars” have been minimal thanks to not having to do a comb out of her afro puffs every few days. Baby girl rocks her locs proudly and is growing into a bold, beautiful and extremely confident

young lady who can easily adapt to just about any situation she is put in. Regardless of the fact that there are certainly other factors at play in raising a smart, secure, happy child, I know that making the choice to teach her to embrace all of her God-given traits—including her beautifully coiled hair—has been a major contributor in laying a foundation for a future leader who will be unlikely to allow society to define who she should be and what she is capable of.

How do you think hair plays a role in our children’s self image and self esteem?

This article originally appeared

on www.blackandmarriedwithkids.com


Julian B. Kiganda

I hope you enjoyed this post! A little about me: I’m the founder of Bold & Fearless and a Transformational Brand Strategist. My gifting is in helping purpose-driven women transform and build million-dollar brands. I’m also an author, transformational speaker and multi-passionate entrepreneur. In 2014, I published my first highly-acclaimed book co-authored with my sister: Whose Shoes Are You Wearing? 12 Steps to Uncovering the Woman You Really Want to Be available on Barnes & Noble and Amazon. To learn more about how you can connect or work with me, visit www.julianbkiganda.com.


  1. Thanks Julian for this wisdom. Truly as a woman oursla self confidence is tied into accepting ourselves and that includes however God chose to mold every part of us…hair included

    • Julian B. Kiganda Says: April 18, 2016 at 1:41 am

      It is so important for us to learn to embrace all of who we are. It’s certainly a process–especially when the world keeps trying to define what beauty is in ways that don’t necessarily align with who we are. Thanks for stopping by!

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